I had a rough day..

I had a rough day yesterday and its all because of one bad class. (I have this class 2 times a week-Thursday and Friday. Its a never ending struggle with this class!! I have one class of 3 seven year old boys that will not behave. No one really addresses their behavior problems. Today they did not want to sit in their seat. They were running around the classroom and getting on top of the desks. I am so scared that someone is going to fall and get hurt and I will be blamed for not controlling them. They will not listen to me. I had to constantly keep telling them to get in their seat. I give them a bribe to get in their seat and then they get up again. We did 2 pages and I got frustrated and got out the educational apps. The director came in and asked if I needed help. She said I can't just let them play a game. They have to be studying English. So if they are playing a matching game with animals I should be teaching them the English name of the animal and having them to repeat it. They won't even pay attention to me.

Last week they were better. When one student is absent they act better. One student was absent last week. When all 3 of them are together it is complete chaos.

I was telling the director how I can't get them to behave. She didn't say much, but that they are here to study. She says they don't even pay attention in the Korean teacher's class. No one helps me with their behavior. I just don't know what to do. (Does anyone even tell the parents that their kids will not behave?) I put it on their comments ".......needs to work on his behavior."

This one class ruined my day. I was in my room crying after class. No one saw me. This one class makes me want to leave. I think if I decide to leave that I'll be done with Korea forever.

I have some hard decisions to make. Do I want to tough it out here or do I want to give a 2 month notice and leave? I am on the fence. I think I will decide in the next few weeks. I need to talk to the director and tell her about my concerns.

I don't know if my relationship with my boyfriend can survive much longer. I really like him, but he doesn't have any time for me. We saw each other 3 times in the past month. I asked him if I could see him this weekend, but he says he doesn't know if he will have any free time. I think I'm going to quit asking him to see me. If he wants to see me he will just have to ask me. He also gave me some shocking news. He said he is thinking about moving to another country to make money. I guess he isn't making enough at his job in Korea. He works 7 days a week most of the time. Its sad that he wants to move away. I guess that would be the end of us. It feels like a long distance relationship although we only live about 10 miles apart.

Too many hard decisions to make. My life feels like one failure after another. Why do I have so much trouble? I feel like a loser who just can't get their act together. Sometimes I feel like I don't even want to live anymore. What do I have to live for? I'm not happy, I don't have children, I'm not married, I don't have a job that I truly love (or that I'm good at). I just exist to make others happy while I live a miserable life. I actually wish something bad would happen to me that would cause me to die. Sad, but true.

I wish I was brave enough to end my own life. My life is pointless. I have no purpose.
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My ankles started swelling the other day. They are fine at the beginning of the day, but by the end of the day they look swollen and they feel tight.
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I was suppose to go to immigration yesterday to register for my alien card. A few minutes before I was suppose to go the director messaged me and said she couldn't find my health test results so we couldn't go today. I didn't see the message so I went out to meet her and she told me.

I don't know when we are going to go to immigration now.